Developing from existing research in the field of hate studies, this article outlines a new approach to understanding repeated experiences of hate by perpetrators who live in close proximity as neighbours to those victimised. Building on previous work, a conceptual argument is made drawing parallels between what we call ‘hate relationships’ and coercive control in domestically abusive relationships. Empirical data from a hate crime advocacy service in the North East of England evidences these parallels through consideration of the home as central to the hate experienced and the cumulative impact of a pattern of hate-motivated behaviours. As with coercive control, our analysis shows that the apparent inaction of help providers exacerbates hate relationships and their impacts. We argue that the current reliance on a criminal justice system, incident-based, approach to understanding and responding to repeat reporting of hate incidents is inadequate. Rather, an approach identifying hate relationships and intervening early in a hate relationship might better preempt escalation and provide possibilities for those victimised to remain in their own homes.